All Your Green Blog

I recently received an interesting little bit of junk mail. It's a coupon booklet for "earth-friendly" products. It included such incredible, steaming piles of bovine excrement that I feel compelled to share it with you. Above is an ad for water. This water is contained in disposable plastic bottles. What makes this "earth-friendly"? Oh, well, they use less barely-recyclable petrolium-based plastic in their bottles. About a third less. You know how much plastic I save by using a Klean Kanteen? Around 100% of the plastic of the water bottle. Also, last time I checked, recycling most plastics takes more energy than making new ones. Plastic bottles are a sort of hideous cousin of recyclables. They have no up-side.

Just to give you an idea of how ridiculous this coupon booklet is, here's a summary:

• Pepsi: aluminum cans are recyclable! (so what if it's mostly corn syrup?)
• Miracle Whip: Plastic jars are lighter than glass... so it takes less gas to transport them. (but hard to recycle...)
• Back to Nature Granoloa: No preservatives, artificial flavors. (might be good for you, but that's nearly irrelevant to the earth. Common mistake, it seems...)
• Campbell's Soup: Quote "Our soups are condensed, so our cans are smaller and lighter." (What about the contents? What about the manufacture of the can?)
• Nestle Waters (Arrowhead, etc.): Eco-Shape(tm) bottle uses 30% less plastic. (How about NONE, also, tap water has higher safety regulations than your swill).
• Coca-cola: Recycle cans. (Once again, forget that we use utterly ecologically devastating practices to produce the toxic contents of those cans)
• Clif Bars: Efficient packaging, support organic farming, etc. (ok, so we like these guys. Can't all be as bad as Arrowhead.)
• Tide: Washes good, so you ... um... less water? (Detergents contribute little to the effectiveness of a washer, unless you're using cold water)
• All Detergent With the amusingly blasphemous subtitle that makes the bottle read basically "All Mighty" they're using the "concentrated stuff uses smaller containers" angle like Campbell soup. (My next bottle of arsenic is going to be a 3 ounce concentrated bottle, for health!)

There's more, but I'm just too baffled to bother. Seriously, I must be in the right business, if it's being emulated so much by others. Although I tend to try to be at least remotely honest with myself regarding what I sell. Not everyone seems to have this little ethical requirement, however, as long as the eco-keywords attract buyers.

Promote real eco-friendly products. Don't buy into the bullshit. Buy the good stuff. You know it when you see it, by now.

I recently read on GroovyGreen.com that Brown (better known as UPS) is eliminating left hand turns. This saves time and money by shortening routes and reducing time spent in traffic.

Shorter routes and less time in traffic are due to right hand turns being more expeditious. This saves UPS money in the form of gas. Which in turn leads to less gas getting burnt, which ultimately reduces CO2 emissions. Hooray for UPS!

This news makes me feel better about shipping with UPS even if they don't offer that "renewable magic dragon" shipping option we keep hoping for.

So, I've been frequenting this green news site, EarthFirst while they've been setting up shop. Well, I've been posting replies and such to their regular articles. It's easy enough to keep up on, since I had their RSS feed added to my Google Reader widgety thing on my Google homepage dealy.

Well, they noticed, and apparently appreciated the contributions. They officially launch at like the end of April, but I encourage you to check them out! They're a great deal of fun, and have enough writers on staff that they have a lot of good articles (and some just silly stuff they find) on a regular basis.

What's with this picture of our CTO? Well, you'll just have to check EarthFirst out to discover the connection.

• EarthFirst

So, my friend Richard Houchin was planning an adventure. He has a new Prius (second greenest car sold in the US, and greenest that uses gasoline, for those counting), bought some Klean Kanteens from me, and a piece of jewelry. On his adventure, he got a lot of photos of him, his Prius, his Klean Kanteen, and the surrounding terrain of Death Valley.

He also proposed to his girlfriend, and managed to get the best proposal photo I've ever seen. But back on topic, see how many times you can spot him sneaking a Klean Kanteen into the frame. It's like Where's Waldo for stainless steel!

• Richard Houchin's Death Valley Exploration

Here's a bit of depressing science I've seen on a few different news outlets. National Geographic describes how the delicate compounds that make up the scent of spring flowers bonds quickly to ground-level ozone. As ozone is a major component of smog and air pollution, this is basically saying that humans are directly responsible for the destruction of one of the most beautiful things in nature. Stop and smell the roses? No, sir!

Now, as bad as not being able to smell flowers would be for us, it's worse for the flowers. Flowers use the scent to attract pollinators. These are the bees and other insects that go from flower to flower, ensuring that the flower's very species continues. Although some flowers rely on color to attract pollinators (and many have patterns only visible in ultra-violet), any species that relies even partially on their scent will be at a competitive disadvantage. This means that a slightly smaller number of them will reproduce each season, and other competing species will move into the niche. We're looking at a very real possibility of flowers like roses becoming rare and difficult to grow in places where humans have contributed significantly the ground-level ozone concentration. Recall, however, that small decorative bushes aren't the only plant that uses flowers to reproduce. Citrus trees are a perfect example of a plant whose sweet-smelling blossoms are going to be hard hit by this trend. Wild trees and other vegetation are also going to be hard-hit.

This could be a very serious blow to the future of the biodiversity around us. Our cars and power plants are not only causing serious damage to our atmosphere, but also directly interfering with the reproduction of an inconceivably large number of plants. It's hard to over-state how terrifying this is, and I'm shocked how little press it's receiving.

So, I get this email.... (my notes in parenthesis)

Aloha,

My name is withheld and I'm an Account Executive at Honolulu Weekly alternative newspaper here in Oahu. I ran across your website on the web (oh! Is that where it was?) and thought I would contact you concerning our yearly Sustainability issue on April 16th. (right around Earth Day... once per year, that's big of you)

The issue will contain a 4 page, full color (not soy ink, I bet) insert that will focus on environmentally friendly businesses including recycled clothing, solar power (focusing solar power starts fires, ask ants), hybrid cars (Teslas use NO gas, beat that), holistic dentistry (wait... what?) and more. We are offering some pretty incredible prices (that could mean incredibly high, clever wording) that include 4 color and free ad production.

I have attached some information for you to look over. The deadline is April 11th and space is filling up fast, so if your are interested give me a shout (AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! BLAAAAAAH!) and I will reserve a space for you,(should be a period, not a comma)

I look forward to working with you,(first closing)

Have a great day,(second closing)

Ma-halo,(third closing, I think the email's over soon)

withheld

Now, aside from the fact that she should have spelled out the number four, and was really excited about the end of the email, I just couldn't let this go. A printed media outlet trying to squeeze some advertising money out of some legitimate ecological entrepreneurs (and some kooky "dentists") just stirs my stew. Maybe I was in a funny mood, but here's the response she received.

Hello withheld,

While we can certainly identify with the purpose of the issue, we can't justify paying to have our material printed on paper, and then ultimately thrown in the trash. Generally, given our surprisingly small marketing budget, we must focus on channels that have national reach for a few cents. We do, however, wish you the best of luck with your sustainability issue.

Good luck with that holistic dentistry,

Roy Steves

So yeah, if you're a greenwasher, and choose to email our snarky site, beware. I have a blog, and no shame. I guess that makes two of us.